Daaglikse Humor

[Van der Walt]

'n Perd is aan 'n vyf meter lange tou vasgemaak. Ses meter van hom af is 'n baal hooi.
Sonder om die tou te breek kon hy die hooi bereik om dit te eet.
Hoe is dit moontlik?

[Ben Geldenhuys]

'n Boer dra een sak meel, en sy assistent dra vier sakke. Wie dra die swaarste en hoekom?

Ek weet sommer hierdie is die verkeerde antwoord, aangesien dit die ooglopende antwoord is:

Die assistent, aangesien hy 3 sakke meer dra as die Boer.

[Plaas Botha]

Sannie

Is jy op datum met jou werk?

Stadig met al die breinknopers, gee ons asb kans om eers te antwoord

[Ben Geldenhuys]

'n Perd is aan 'n vyf meter lange tou vasgemaak. Ses meter van hom af is 'n baal hooi.
Sonder om die tou te breek kon hy die hooi bereik om dit te eet.
Hoe is dit moontlik?

Sannie,

Jy se die strooi is ses meter van hom af, dit beteken egter nie dat die strooi ses meter is van waar hy vas gemaak is nie. m.a.w as die perd twee meter gestaan het van waar hy van gemaak is en die strooi in die ander rigting is van waar hy vas gemaak is, dan kon die perd die strooi bykom.

[Stoetbul]

'n Perd is aan 'n vyf meter lange tou vasgemaak. Ses meter van hom af is 'n baal hooi.
Sonder om die tou te breek kon hy die hooi bereik om dit te eet.
Hoe is dit moontlik?

Sannie,

Jy se die strooi is ses meter van hom af, dit beteken egter nie dat die strooi ses meter is van waar hy vas gemaak is nie. m.a.w as die perd twee meter gestaan het van waar hy van gemaak is en die strooi in die ander rigting is van waar hy vas gemaak is, dan kon die perd die strooi bykom.

Is die tou net aan die perd vas gemaak.

[Van der Walt]

'n Perd is aan 'n vyf meter lange tou vasgemaak. Ses meter van hom af is 'n baal hooi.
Sonder om die tou te breek kon hy die hooi bereik om dit te eet.
Hoe is dit moontlik?

Sannie,

Jy se die strooi is ses meter van hom af, dit beteken egter nie dat die strooi ses meter is van waar hy vas gemaak is nie. m.a.w as die perd twee meter gestaan het van waar hy van gemaak is en die strooi in die ander rigting is van waar hy vas gemaak is, dan kon die perd die strooi bykom.

Is die tou net aan die perd vas gemaak.

Stoet

Jy is weer te skerp vandag.  Die antwoord wat ek het, is dat die tou nie aan iets vasgemaak is nie, so jy is reg.

[Stoetbul]

'n Boer dra een sak meel, en sy assistent dra vier sakke. Wie dra die swaarste en hoekom?

Daar is meel in die boer se sak wat hy dra, wat is in die assistent se vier sakke?

[Van der Walt]

'n Boer dra een sak meel, en sy assistent dra vier sakke. Wie dra die swaarste en hoekom?

Daar is meel in die boer se sak wat hy dra, wat is in die assistent se vier sakke?

Ai ai Stoetbul.

Het jy gisteraand tussen die messe geslaap?  Jy is weer reg.  Die boer dra die swaarste van die assistent dra net sakke en nie sakke meel nie.  Jy gaan bietjie sukkel met die derde een, hoor (ek dink)

[Plaas Botha]

Jammer vir die Engels, dit is egter nodig om die grappie te waardeer.



Every morning when the English teacher came to the Afrikaans students to
give them an English lecture she greeted them as follows; "Good morning
class!" and every time only one boy would get up out of the whole class
to greet the teacher in return.

This happened time and again until she decided to call him up to her
desk and ask him loud enough for everyone to hear:

"Why is it that every time I greet the whole class, only you stand up to
greet me?"

He replied to the teacher in English:

"It are 'cause I are the only person here what's name are Klaas!"

[gelofteboer]

Seuntjie blaai deur sy Ouma se Bybel en kom op 'n gedroogde vyeblaar af.
Opgewonde hardloop hy die gang af en skreeu, "Ouma, Ouma, Eva het haar "pantie" in jou Bybel vergeet."

[jeug]

Wat het Pinoccio vir die groennetjie gese:

Moenie huil nie, hulle noem my ook houtkop

[Afrikanermeisie]

WHY YOU CAN'T KEEP AN AFRIKANER DOWN...!!!

 
GEORGE BUSH was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Howzit George!", a broken English voice said. "This is Koos here from
the Doringboom Bar in Welkom, South Africa. I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring war on you boet!"

"Well, Koos," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Jan, my next door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts
team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Blikemmer!", said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again.
"George, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some
infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" George asked.
"Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombi's, a bulldozer, and Vet
Gert's John Deere Tractor".

George sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5
million since we last spoke."
"Liewe Hel!" said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day.
"George, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns
in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia hengelklub have joined
us as well!"

George was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Goeie vrek!", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis George! I am
sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some "Klippies &
Coke", and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of
war."

[Karools]

Man klim by sy vrou in die bed en se:
"Vanaand gaan ek jou die gelukigste vrou op aarde maak"

Vrou: "moenie laf wees nie, wie gaan jou die tyd van die nag help om te trek?"

[Afrikanermeisie]

Jammer dis alweer in Brits, maar ek het dit baie geniet!! 


"The IT dept" - Feel their pain

 
=================================   

Tech support:    What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer:    A white one...   

   ===============

Customer:    Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:  No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

  ===============

Tech support:   Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:   Your left or my left?

  ===============

Tech support:    Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer:    Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start"  for me and...
Customer:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

  ===============

Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

  ==============

Customer:   I have problems printing in red...
Tech support:   Do you have a color printer?
Customer:   Aaaah....................thank you. 

  ===============

Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

  ===============

Customer:    My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support:  Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:   No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support:  Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:    OK
Tech support:   Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:   Yes
Tech support:   That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer:   Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... 

  ===============

Tech support:    Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer:   Is that 7 in capital letters ?   

  == =============

Customer:   can't get on the Internet.
Tech support:   Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:  Five stars.   

  ===============

Tech support:   What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:   Netscape.
Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:   Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

  ===============

Customer:    I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

  ===============

Tech support:  How may I help you?
Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:   Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? 

  ===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support:   Are you running it under windows?
Customer:  "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine."

  ===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer:   I don't have a P.
Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:    What do you mean?
Tech support:  "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

[Plaas Botha]

Die eend loop by die kroeg in en vra die kroegman: " Het jy brood?"
Kroegman: "Nee"
Eend: "Enige brood?"
Kroegman: "Nee"
Eend: "Niks brood nie?"
Kroegman: "Nee, ons het nie enige brood nie!!!"
Eend: "Nie eers ou brood nie?"
Kroegman: "Is jy doof of wat? Ons het nie &*^%$ brood nie! As jy my weer
vra, gaan ek jou &*^%$ bek aan die kroegtoonbank vasspyker"
Eend: "Het jy spykers?"
Kroegman: "Nee"
Eend: "En brood?"

[Ben Geldenhuys]

Die Priester, die perd en die eend loop in die kroeg in.

Kroegman: "Hierdie is seker 'n grap!"

[Plaas Botha]

Ek is seker dat die Suid-Afrikaanse banke bankrot is.

Ek het vanoggend by ABSA, Standard en Nedbank se OTM's probeer geld trek.

Almal het vir my gewys : Onvoldoende fondse beskikbaar!!

Julle beter julle geld gaan trek terwyl daar nog 'n kans is.

[Ben Geldenhuys]

Ek is nou 'n "voorkeur klient"




As ek by die bank instap, dan keer hulle my voor!

[Afrikanermeisie]

Liewe Manto

[Karools]

Dit word beweer dat al die versekerings mtye is bankrot want hulle moes uitbetalings doen vir die ouens wat "Ja" gestem het - wat nou almal dood is - want ek kry niemand meer wat erken dat hy vir die vrot bedeling gestem het nie!