Daaglikse Humor

[Skillie]

Karoo justice
Koos was walking through his veld one day when he spots someone drinking
water from a DAM.
He shouts, "Moenie die water drink nie, dis vol skaap bolie".
The other guy says, "I'm Australian mate, speak English!"
Koos replies, "Use both hands, you get more that way".

[Kleinbekkie]

Variations On Murphy's Law


1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist.

2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

4. Th
e Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

7. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

8. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.

9. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

[Stoetbul]

Die Gatte Van SA

[123 Blok My]

[123 Blok My]

Op 'n dag was 'n seuntjie en sy pa in 'n baie diep gesprek gewikkel.  Na 'n tydjie van gesels verloop het, vra die seuntjie vir sy pa waar hy(seuntjie) dan nou eintlik vandaan kom?  Die pa kyk na die seuntjie en antwoord  dat hulle 'n klein saadjie op 'n warm plekkie gebere het,  die saadjie het gegroei en hulle het kry hom toe.   

So verloop daar 'n tydjie en op 'n dag stap die seuntjie in die tuin, sien 'n saadjie op die grond en tel dit op.  Hy stap  met die saadjie stoep toe en sit dit onder die stoepmatjie in die lekker warm sonnetjie.

Na 'n paar dae onthou  die seuntjie weer van die saadjie en gaan lig die mat op.  'n Kriek spring uit van onder die matjie en die die seuntjie se:

"Liefie, as ek nou nie geweet het jy is my kind nie, het ek jou so wraggies doodgetrap!"

[Clem de Klerk]

'n Tagtigjarige besoek die UP rektor:

"Bied julle 'n kursus aan met Hebreeus en Grieks as vakke?"

"Sekerlik, waarom vra u"

"Ek wil inskryf vir die kursus"

Rektor: "Op u ouderdom? Dit is maar 'n moeilike kursus!"

"Ek weet my tyd word min, maar ek wil nie sukkel as ek daar anderkant kom nie - wil nog met Moses 'n paar sake uitklaar, en Petrus moet nog verduidelik van dinge wat ek nie begryp nie"

Rektor: "En as u nou by die ander plek opdaag, wat dan?"

"Nee dit is geen probleem nie, my Ingils is goed"

[Ben Geldenhuys]

[Afrikanermeisie]

As wit mense 'n "Blonde oomblik" kry,

Wat kry swart mense dan?

A: 'n Blackout!


Blond storm by Biblioteek in en baklei met ontvangs.

Blond: "Die boek is SWAK! Daar is te veel karakters, en geen
storielyn."

Vrou: "O, jy's die aap wat ons telefoongids gevat het!"

[Ben Geldenhuys]

Misverstande is soms lewens gevaarlik:

[gelofteboer]

A dude from Durban walked into a curio shop in Cape Town whilst
on holiday.
Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size
bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so
striking that he decided he must have it.
He took it to the owner and asked "How much is the bronze rat?"

"Twelve rand for the rat, a hundred rand if you bring it back,"
said the owner.

The man gave the shop owner twelve rand. "I'll take the rat; And I
won't be bringing it back."

As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that
a  few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began
following  him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he
began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the
group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the Harbour. He took a nervous look
around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the
millions, and they were all squaling and coming towards him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the water and threw the bronze
rat as far out into the Harbour as he could.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the water after
it, and were drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop.
"Aha," said the owner, "You're bringing it back !"
"Actually no," said the man. "I came back to see how much you
want for that little bronze African boy over there....

[Afrikanermeisie]

Jammer, nog Ingils...

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:


Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of whic h way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $500 0. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[Plaas Botha]

Jammer, nog Ingils...

Ek neem aan die Afrikaanse weergawe is oppad?

[Afrikanermeisie]

PLAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!

Verstaan jy nie Ingils nie...? 

As jy vir my kom kuier sal ek dit vir jou vertaal. 

[Van der Walt]

Maniere om eksamen te dop

[Afrikanermeisie]

[Ben Geldenhuys]

Hierdie is die "daaglikse humor" draad, nie feminisme anoniem nie!

[Afrikanermeisie]

Hehe, ek is jammer as die mans dit nie so snaaks vind nie...
Ek vra nederig om verskoning. (Ek wonder hoeveel keer het ek nou al hierdie sinnetjie in die afgelope twee dae getik.)

[123 Blok My]

Karina die beste gedeelte was natuurlik:

"So if you don't pass the test you have to

 be the daddy."

Ek gee nie eens om dit was in Brits nie!

Hierdie is die "daaglikse humor" draad, nie feminisme anoniem nie!

SP as jy nie daarvan hou nie sal jy maar moet oe toedruk, want 'n sekere geslag hier teenwoordig vind dit uiters ammusant. 

[Plaas Botha]

 Gamat sit op die pavement en bepeins sy lot. Hy't sy werk verloor, sy

vrou het die kinders gevat en hom geskei.

 

Hy sien 'n kas met bier bottels en loop soontoe. Hy vat 'n lee bottel,

smyt dit teen die muur en skel: "Djy issie reason lat ek nie 'n vrou

hettie!"

 

Hy vat 'n tweede bottel: "Djy issie reason lat ek nie kinners hettie!"

 

Derde bottel: "Djy issie reason lat ek nie 'n job hettie!"

 

Hy vat die vierde bottel en sien dis nog nie oopgemaak nie - vol bier.

 

Hy sit die bottel neer: "Staan djy eenkant toe, my broe. Ek wiet djy

wassie involved nie"

[Plaas Botha]

Het wonderlike dieet! Val verskriklik af!

Brandewyn dieet.

Val van bed af! Val van stoel af en val van trap af!